Ah but for it to be spring again. Infinite possibility slathered in abundant sunshine and no need to wear a poofy jacket. Ah but to have some vodka in my possession at this very moment X]

Moz and I acquired a couple geckos, male and a female, from Hilary and we have in turn named them Brad and Angelina I think solely to be able to call them Brangelina for short. They're way too cute for their own good and I'm feeling the giddiness of being a new mother haha.

Brad is a temperamental bastard but he's softening up. He's about twice the size of Angelina and likes to sleep on top of her which is cute, I didn't know lizards cuddled ^.^ I take him out a lot just so he likes to be held more because Angelina is a little social butterfly whereas Brad likes to try and intimidate. Plus he leaps out of your hand which is almost cool cause I didn't know lizards leaped either but I can't have one of my baybays suicide leaping to their deaths, I'm already horribly attached.

I'm recently unemployed which is weirdness all in itself because I've had a job since I was sixteen and possibly ignorantly thought I was infallible and had to learn the hard way that I'm not. All the charm in the world couldn't have saved me from that stupid cycle. I need a 3rd shift job to coincide with my nocturnal state I think. I would take a surprise lottery win as well.

Finally getting out of town this weekend. Out of state in fact. I need a vacation. Couldn't have come at a better/worse time.

a detailed description of a wild trip. chairman bob approved. it was some good shit.

this is unedited and fucked up. enjoy. o_____________O

**************************************************************************************

so as of this moment, i am tripping on mushrooms. it's pretty intense right now
so I thought I'd just write about it. words look cool going across the screen, especially
because they are my own so it's like a moment in time where a part of me lives forever.
like a picture. just a snapshot of the memory of me. interesting. less deep. this song is
pretty cool. i'm kinda pissed we've got satellite cable now. i need to get my shit together
and do what i gotta do. whatever that is. that really is the question is it not? what do
i do? what the hell do i do? go to school and get a degree? sure that gets - heard some
noises went to check. s'all good I think. unknown noises are scary no matter where you are.
you just have to wonder what the f is going on. haha. this screen is all dirty and it's coming
off as a pretty cool visual effect. i'm about 2 hours in, listenin to the yeah yeah yeahs yeah!

the funny thing about tripping is you just constantly think about it. you're passing time really
slowly cause mostly you're doing nothing or the same old thing only.. it's intensified by just the
fact that this is being. i just reread all that and it was like living the same moments all over again.
this is very random i realize. it is of no matter to me.

huh. even though this computer is connected to the internet, the clock is still an hour off. spring ahead and lose sleep!
i feel like i've been eating this daily c forever. sucking on it that is. the text that i am typing at this point in time is very interesting
looking. greenish purple. gurple. hehe. i don't even think i took a very high dose. like, maybe a little over
a gram. but then i smoked a zong. and saw green triangles. very wierd. i want another cigarette. i wish i didn't
have to go out to the garage to smoke it. smoking is stupid anyway. i don't know why i do it.
it's a habit or something. an addiction definitely.

these boomers are cool but i'm waiting until at least my birthday to do them again. it's weird tripping alone.
i'd never done it before. I sort of just wanted to see what it was like. very interesting. no talking so you have
all this pent up energy. i mean, you can't
exactly talk to yourself because that would just be crazy haha.
i'm definitely peaking right now. my body buzz
is off the wall. xm radio IS pretty cool but i can't say i really listen to anyone that talks in between the
music. i love hearing my favorite bands though! jack white, silversun pick-ups - which is a recent one
and one i have not yet explored fully so i'm still a little iffy. i've been laying on my very comfy bed
for a majority of the trip aside from the usual smoke breaks and the trip to my old house and zomg XD

my room is very colorful and it is asthetically pleasing during this trip of mine. my Stranger than fiction poster
has these crinkles in it that just add this killer texture and the lettering is all swirly. will ferrell is just like
OMGWTGBBQ sauce!and then there is milla jovovich weilding two very big guns with a swarm of crows and a fire sky
above and it's just rippling. it's an intense picture whether you're tripping or not. my eat me mushroom
poster is on the ceiling above me and a very sweet reminder of my adventures. the ceiling has these little swirls
that like to ripple and turn colours. and lamp! my sweet lamp that i just recently bought. dark purple and
non-sterile light unlike the flourescent on my ceiling.

i'm considering flipping it to a movie and seeing
what that's like but i'm diggin on the music so much i really just needn't bother. it's so much fun. just
a ride outside of reality for a few hours. acid's gotta be intense. 16 hours.. i think i prefer the naturals.
ooh. new silver sun pickups. sounds interrresting. so far. i love alt radio man. i guess if i had to put a name
to my preference it would be alt. hah. you know what's pretty awesome tripping? a shower. bah so many noises.
you just notice everything.
and think about everything and nothing. that's all this is. random thoughts just bouncing around.
this is how i know i was tripping all those years ago. when i smoked with matt and amber. i've had this thought before.
and really all it is is thought. bouncing around. put to paper. not even paper. sight. a thought in words on a screen
that just goes back into my head as a thought. lmao. that's so funny. OMG! i love this song!!!! all you can here is
"OH MY GOD! I think i'm in control! OH MY GOD" it's funny. cause that's all you can hope right? that you're in control
or what you're doing? it's also a kind of play on words that i'm not going to get into at this point in time.
I feel like a philosepher when i trip. i think i spelled that wrong. anyway. being high on weed and mushrooms is
literally. LITERALLY. being high on life. they grow from the ground and we eat them and we suddenly start seeing
shit and thinking about nothing and everything? yes it's bad for us but what isn't these days? tomatoes aren't even
natural anymore, they're artificial. just like everything will be someday. very weird. the thing about thinking about
stuff like that is that it's scary. very big and unknown and just, knowing the answers.. what could that possibly do for us?
knowing would just be lame.


back to random. love the decemberists. still very intense. roughly 2 hours and 45 minutes in. totally lost in thought
but putting it all onto the screen. we've been over this anomaly. isn't it funny how you can imitate life so easily
in movies and tv shows and writing? like, you think it, therefore it is? I think therefore i am. same diff right?
buffy fought demons and vampires. it happened because it did. we remember it happening. we saw it happen. if i think
therefore i am applies, in some sense it HAPPENED right? when you think about it. tripping is just overthinking being.
de ja vu. noises again. pat's noisy. i'm all nervous now because of all the clanking noises. literally shaking but in
in reality.. whatever that is lol.. not all that nervous. maybe a little. but i know it's not immediate danger. touching
my own skin is calming. it grounds me and my skin is cool so it feels even better. i'm probably gonna be really grumpy after
this is all over. all this dopamine X] i keep going back and forth between warm and cold. not sure what my room is right now.
can't really feel it. my hands are a little cold but they always are. god just the constant thought, this is all
just time going by that i am recording. a moment in history as it is now documented. everything we do makes history.
revolt!! haha. god this is so intense. i don't want to stop writing. it's fun. i could write my entire life if i wanted.
if i could put together enough words to fill those days and nights of time. very trippy. water running. makes a noise.
makes me nervous lol. wish i had one of those laptop table things.

how weird is the internet? it has TRAFFIC. and it exchanges information. very quickly. like time doesn't matter. somneone
told me once that they are trying to figure out how to put brainwaves on the internet. sounds like science fiction right?
then again everything normally is until we find that that it really isn't. everything is fake until we find out it's real.
someone thinks of a way to make it happen. i mean really. computer chips, sound waves, LIGHT! who THINKS of that? yay!
MGMT. It's interesting how certain people affect the world. i love how i can spell ALMOST perfectly while tripping.
everything is still very gurple. on the screen anyway. everything else is i'm gonna have to say kinda blending together.
can't find my daily c's which is a bummer. i eat those things like mad when i trip on shrooms. they do something. it's 3:04..
in the morning. more noises. could he be any louder? it's trippin me out.. ;) my room is slightly askew at the moment.
not too bad, i want to get rid of all my shit. do i really need it? no. it has some strange sentimental value that really,
i could very probably do with or without.. ew. angels and airwaves was not a good idea. way to permeate EMO guys. oh well.
to each his own i guess. sayings like that were made up for a reason. we can't all possibly agree. it would be ridiculous
to try. we just have to co-exist without killing each other and we can't even manage that.

there are good things in life though. like love. it drives everyone to do the insane and the insanely cute. it's maddening
and killerly cool all at once and it eases all the other negative emotions. it makes you feel good, elated even. that's
what we're all really searching for right? elation. happiness. a sense of being and belonging. not necessarily even with
people but with your surroundings and your skin. there's no such thing as normal because normal is just an idea and
everybody's got their own idea.

man donnie darko really was a genius movie. very outlandish idea. but science fiction? only until it's not. it kinda
did happen right? we all watched it happen. we're just taking someone's characters and turning them into characters
of our own. meta to to the extreme bitches. i like philosophisin. i'm kinda gettin tired. probably cause i'm just laying
here writing whatever the fuck comes to mind. the gorillaz would be really awesome right now. clint eastwood especially
i was watching dark angel inexplicably this morning and the episode played that song. i also watched mr. magorium's wonder
emporium (sp?) and awesome ^.^ i've taken quite a liking to dustin hoffman. again with the intesified being thought. i'm
just looking at shit and letting my eyes play tricks on me. that's funny to me. that must be why when i trip with other
people i'm always laughing. everything is just so damn funny. really when you think about it. noises! bwah!

someone called me. they were feeling overwhelmed. we felt overwhelmed together and then we laughed it off and held on
to it in our own ways. life is moments. i felt like i'd come down while we were talking but now that i'm writing again
it's like i never stopped. my chest is warm and the body buzz is back and these words are still very trippy to the eye.
3 hours and 35 minutes in, i'm sure i'll be feeling after affects for a couple hours yet. wish i had more pot.
i've lost my damn daily c's so now i'm kinda pissed but no matter. everything is still trippy. i always never want it to end.
even when i'm exhausted and almost insane with thought, it's just so INTRIGUING. the things your brain can do. still a
nervous buzz in my chest. talking to the person that called me actually made me feel more calm. i'm not sure if they knew
i was tripping or not, i hinted at it, made some flippant remark.. but we were nevertheless on the same level. which
normally we are anyway so that comes as no surprise. it's pretty remarkable how minds can ever coincide considering
the endless possibilty of thought. the endless possibility of everything. just thinking about string theory makes me feel
like i'm tripping because that's the kind of shit you end up thinking up. crap the computer beeped at me and i jumped like
a foot.

writing is way too much fun. my problem has always been that when i write i just want to spew thought. it jumps around
and i change my thought process and suddenly i'm on this whole other tangent. it's fun putting your own thoughts to words.
there is endless possibility because you are in total control unlike in life. no wonder bukowski was such an asshole.
i like reading other people's thoughts because it's a whole new perspective. i like re-reading my thoughts because they
always change and some get lost. if only our brains WERE more like computers. i'd have no problem trying to remember the
word... damn.. i've forgotten.

residual visuals. body buzz is lessening a bit. this trip has been insane. still noticing small details of my room like
the way the window meets the corner and almost each individual tile. all of them different. trying to remember
if the smooth ones had some kind of design on it that i painted over. the little ridges in the other tiles look like
confetti. it's going on 4 AM. i will probably fall asleep before the entire trip is over. that's kind of exciting
cause i hear you wake up feeling great :D every other time aside from the first i drank afterwards and fell asleep long
after the final effects. my fingernails are super dirty. not entirely certain how that happened. no more cigs tonight.
i think my lungs can take it.


i'm still very curious about acid. i've tried 2 separate psychadelics, the first one wherein i peaked for at least 6 and a
half hours with 5 very cool people and another over the phone for a bit! god that was amazing. 2ce is the fucking shite.
sucks i only got to do it once. but awesome that i at least got to do it once. maybe kind of glad. it did kinda fuck some
friends of mine up. i can imagine. you trip too much you start to lose sense of what's real and what isn't. flashbacks are
not uncommon. it really does change you. I think that's where i'm going to end this. i'm tired and i think i just wanna
ride the rest of it out. it's been fun sharing my trip with whoever reads and retains this text :D it is 4:02 AM.

I think too much.
It makes me weary.
It makes me less observant.
It makes me more observant.
It makes me downright paranoid at times.
Maybe that's the pot.
Maybe that's just the general feeling in the air.
Maybe everyone's thinking the same thing in a different manner.
I think I know everything but I know I barely know a fraction of anything.
I know I am not alone in this unsettled feeling.
Life is pain and suffering and people grow and redeem themselves because of it.
People are true wonders of nature, minds mingling and co-mingling and riding the fine line between good and evil.
There is good and evil and compassion and apathy in all of us and it comes out in inopportune and absolutely perfect bursts of sudden passion some don't even know they are capable of.

It's a good thing I didn't make a new years resolution..

So, old news I know, but Sarah Palin is planning to run for president in 2012? anyone else find it somewhat ironic that this is also the same year of the alleged impending apocalypse? Of course you do cause that's just funny.

I made a break-through in my self taught guitar lessons but then I realized I'm going to need new b and g strings because I strung it wrong. <.> Who knew you could do it wrong? Ah well, without failure, there would not be success!

This blog was completely pointless.

however

I think Kevin Bacon should be considered a swear word.

hah. i wrote this at bowling cause i HATE people XD

what is there to talk about
when you've got nothing to say
to those that are overzealous and unconscious
of the string of crap that trails
from the mouths of all around you
I don't care
about your dog or your job or
that show you watch on tv
i will smile and nod
and wish you away
wave your hands emphatically
because it's the only thing you do
that catches my eye
you are a waste of space in my
little anti-socialite
state of mind

...hIGh AnXiEtY...

I'm watching the most bizarre movie. Like, 70s slapstick almost.
Actually I'm only listening but that's enough.
Was on a cruise a couple nights ago and I heard friggen Scrubs on the radio..
That was odd but not unwelcome ^.^ kinda awesome actually.

I've become obsessed with the show True Blood, very Twilight-esque.
It's a bit cheesy but it's got a decent and admittedly compelling storyline.
I hate to admit it but On-demand is the shit.

The Twilight movie looks pretty cheesy too but what more am I to expect from a tween/teen novel's movie adaptation.. I'm gonna go see it either way.

They're makin' a lot of 'novel' movies lately, the movie-making muses must not be forthcoming.

But ay, I'm stalling. I need to go to bed.
peace

and the stars are projectors yeah, projectin' our lives down to this planet earth

Rosie's gone..
She wasn't going to get better and she was steadily getting worse.
So now she doesn't have to suffer and struggle to breathe.
rest in peace love